This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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