Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize