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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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