My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
