He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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