That's intense
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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