They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
