HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
