hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
