I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
