His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
