so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize