I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
