So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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