Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
