just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
