I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
