The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
