What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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