Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
