dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
