He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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