So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
