I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
