using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
