If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Im part way to drunk.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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