I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
