You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
