Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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