great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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