So drunk its hurt
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
