I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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