I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
