Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
