At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
