I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
