some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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