No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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