420 ftw
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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