Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
