you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
