She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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