Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
