3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
