So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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