every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
