South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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