Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
