actually, I'm a sock model
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
