yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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