They should really pass out barf bags in church
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize