I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
