Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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