I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
