Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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