hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
