some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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