yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
