Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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