dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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