No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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