Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
