All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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