I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
