If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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