She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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