I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
