On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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