You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
