that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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