I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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