we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
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btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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