come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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