You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
