I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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