Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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