John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
