The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i believe in u and ur pee
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
