why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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