i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
