I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
grandma shit on top of the toilet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
