I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
