If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
