He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
