so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
