dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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