was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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