i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at about main and main street
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My dick has a subreddit
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
