now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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